How to protect an aging parent from scams and financial abuse

Scammers target older adults because they often have savings, a home and good credit, and because a friendly voice on the phone can be very persuasive. Financial abuse also comes from people your parent knows: a new friend, a caregiver, sometimes a relative. You can't watch every call, but a few safeguards, set up once, catch most problems early. If money is already gone, skip to what to do right now.

The scams to know

Most scams follow the same script: a reason to act right now, a reason not to tell anyone, and a payment method that's hard to reverse.

• The family emergency. A call or text from a "grandchild" in jail or the hospital, or someone claiming to be their lawyer, asking for bail money and begging your parent not to tell the parents.
• Government impersonation. Someone "from Social Security, Medicare, the IRS or the police" says there's a problem with their number, their benefits or a warrant, and it can be fixed with a payment.
• Tech support. A pop-up or call says the computer is infected, then asks for remote access or payment.
• Romance. A new online friend who can never meet in person, then needs money for a ticket, a medical bill or a customs fee.
• Prizes and lotteries. They've won, but must pay taxes or fees first.
• Investments. A sure thing, often in cryptocurrency, that needs more money before your parent can withdraw.

The payment is the giveaway. No real agency, bank or grandchild's lawyer asks to be paid in gift cards, by wire, in cryptocurrency, through a payment app to a stranger, or with cash handed to a courier.

Warning signs to watch for

• Unusual withdrawals, new payees, checks out of order, or gift card receipts.
• Your parent is secretive about a new friend, a phone call or "an investment".
• Someone new is suddenly very involved in their money, or wants to be added to an account or a will.
• Mail from banks or lenders you don't recognize, or bills that stop arriving.
• Your parent seems cut off from family, or a caregiver discourages visits.
• Belongings or medications go missing.

Set up these safeguards this week

You'll need your parent's agreement (or authority under a power of attorney). Frame it as protection for them, not a lack of trust.

1. Turn on alerts. Ask the bank and card companies to text or email you, or a trusted sibling, about large withdrawals, new payees and online card use.
2. Freeze their credit at all three bureaus. It's free, takes a few minutes per bureau online, and stops new accounts being opened in their name. Links are on our resources page.
3. Name a trusted contact. Banks and brokerage firms let your parent name someone they may contact if they suspect fraud or can't reach your parent. It doesn't give that person access to the money.
4. Give one person the monthly statement check. Someone reads the bank and card statements each month for anything unexpected. On Pairlo, put it on the family's to-do list and Pairy will remind them.
5. Get the documents in place. A durable power of attorney, signed while your parent can still sign, lets a trusted person act if they can't. The CFPB has plain guides for the person named.
6. Slow down the phone. Turn on the phone carrier's call blocking, and agree on a family rule: no money moves because of a call, text or email until they've called one of you back on a number they already know.

How to bring it up with your parent

Start with a story, not a lecture: a scam you read about, or one a friend fell for. Ask what they'd do if "you" called from jail needing bail. Agree on a family code word that a real relative in trouble would know. Make it clear nobody will be angry if they're ever unsure; you would much rather get ten false alarms than miss one real one. If your parent bristles at alerts or a freeze, offer to set them up for yourself at the same time, so it feels like something the family does together.

When a caregiver is in the home

Most caregivers are honest and wonderful, and these steps protect them too. Keep checkbooks, cards, jewelry and medications locked away, use a low-limit card for errands, and never share PINs or passwords. Our hiring a caregiver safely checklist covers references, background checks and the agreement to put in writing.

If it already happened

Move fast; the first hours matter most.

1. Call the bank or card company using the number on the card. Ask them to stop or reverse the payment and lock the account.
2. Call the National Elder Fraud Hotline at 1-833-FRAUD-11 (1-833-372-8311). It's run by the U.S. Department of Justice for people 60 and older. A case manager helps you report and find what's next, weekdays 10am to 6pm Eastern.
3. Report it to the FTC, and to the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center if it happened online, by phone or by email. Also call the local police for a report number; banks and insurers often ask for one.
4. If someone your parent knows is responsible, call Adult Protective Services in their state. You don't need proof to report.
5. Freeze their credit if you haven't, and change passwords on email and bank accounts.
6. Keep everything: call logs, texts, emails, receipts, gift card numbers.

Then be kind. People of every age and intelligence get scammed; shame is what keeps victims quiet, and quiet is what scammers count on.

Next steps

• Keep these numbers somewhere the whole family can find them. Our resources page lists them all.
• If you're the one managing the money, a care manager or elder law attorney can help you set things up properly. Find a care manager.