When a parent dies, very little has to happen right away. In the first hours, someone with authority needs to pronounce the death, and a funeral home needs to be called when the family is ready. Almost everything else, from Social Security to the bank accounts, can wait days or weeks. This checklist walks through it in order, so you can take one step at a time and share the work.
The first hours
If your parent was in hospice
Call the hospice first. If your parent was enrolled in hospice, the National Institute on Aging (NIA) notes that a plan for what happens after death is likely already in place. A hospice nurse can come to the home, and NIA lists a hospice nurse among the people who can officially pronounce a death.
You do not need to rush. NIA says that if someone dies at home, there is no need to move the body right away. Take the time your family needs to sit with your parent, call close relatives who may want to come, and say goodbye.
If your parent was not in hospice
If the death was unexpected, call 911. If the death was expected but your parent was not in hospice, NIA suggests contacting their doctor, the medical examiner or coroner, the local health department, or a funeral home for guidance.
If your parent died in a hospital or nursing home, staff will handle the pronouncement. Tell them about any religious or cultural customs that matter to your family, and ask for time before the body is moved if relatives are on their way.
The legal pronouncement
According to NIA, a death must be officially pronounced by someone in authority, such as a hospital or nursing facility doctor or a hospice nurse, who also certifies the cause, time and place of death. That legal record is needed later for life insurance, financial and property matters.
Organ and brain donation
If your parent was a registered donor, tell the doctor or hospice nurse right away. NIA notes there is no cost to the donor's family for organ donation, and that brain donation is separate: if your parent was registered as a brain donor, their point of contact needs to be notified within two hours after death.
The first days
Choose a funeral home
Look for any written wishes your parent left about burial, cremation or a service. Then call a funeral home. You can find a funeral home near where your parent lived.
The Federal Trade Commission's Funeral Rule gives you real protections while you make these decisions:
- Funeral homes must give you price information over the phone if you ask.
- They must give you a General Price List that is yours to keep.
- You can buy only the goods and services you want, rather than a package.
- No state law requires routine embalming for every death.
- A funeral home cannot refuse a casket or urn you bought elsewhere, or charge you a fee to handle it.
Calling two or three funeral homes and comparing price lists is reasonable, even in grief. A sibling who lives far away can often take this on by phone.
If your parent was a veteran
Veterans with a qualifying discharge may be eligible for burial in a VA national cemetery, a government headstone or marker, a burial flag and a Presidential Memorial Certificate. The VA's National Cemetery Administration says these national cemetery benefits are at no cost to the family, though anything bought from a funeral home is at the family's expense. To schedule a burial, call the National Cemetery Scheduling Office at 800-535-1117.
Order death certificates
You will need certified copies of the death certificate for many tasks. USA.gov lists notifying Social Security, closing or transferring bank and credit accounts, and claiming life insurance or pension benefits as examples, while a photocopy may be enough for things like canceling a subscription. Certified copies come from the vital records office in the state where the death occurred, and the funeral home can often help you order them. Order several, since you may need to send originals to more than one place at the same time.
Social Security
Funeral homes usually report the death to Social Security, according to ssa.gov. Give the funeral home your parent's Social Security number. If no funeral home reports it, call Social Security at 1-800-772-1213 (TTY 1-800-325-0778) with your parent's name, Social Security number, date of birth and date of death.
A few rules matter here:
- Benefits for the month of death are returned. Social Security says the family must return the payment for the month of death and any later months. If benefits arrive by direct deposit, contact the bank; if a paper check arrives, do not cash it.
- A one-time payment of $255 may go to a surviving spouse, or to an eligible child if there is no spouse.
- Survivor benefits. If your other parent is still living, they may qualify for monthly survivor benefits, generally from age 60. Contact Social Security soon so the family gets everything it is entitled to.
Medicare
You usually do not need to call Medicare separately. USA.gov says the Social Security Administration handles death reports for both Social Security and Medicare. If your parent had a Medicare Advantage, Part D or Medigap plan, call the plan as well so it stops billing.
The first weeks
Find the will and the executor
Look for the will, any trust documents, life insurance policies and recent bank and retirement statements. Our documents checklist lists what families usually need to find.
The executor is the person named in the will to carry out what it says. If there is no will, the Federal Trade Commission explains that a court may appoint an administrator or personal representative. One point surprises many adult children: authority under a power of attorney ends when the person dies, as the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau's guide for agents notes. From this point, the executor or personal representative is the one who acts for the estate.
This guide is general information, not legal advice. Probate rules vary by state; an estate or probate attorney can tell you what applies.
Banks, credit cards and debts
USA.gov recommends reporting the death to banks, credit card companies, credit bureaus and other financial organizations, and canceling utilities, memberships and subscriptions. To help prevent identity theft, NIA suggests sending copies of the death certificate to the three major credit bureaus: Equifax, Experian and TransUnion.
As for debts, the FTC says family members usually don't have to pay a deceased relative's debts from their own money; debts are paid from the estate. Exceptions include someone who cosigned a loan, a spouse in a community property state such as California, and someone responsible for the estate who didn't follow state probate laws. If a debt collector calls you, you can ask whether you are legally responsible before paying anything.
Life insurance, pensions and retirement accounts
Call each life insurer with the policy number and a certified death certificate. Contact any pension plan, annuity company or former employer's benefits office and ask whether a survivor benefit is payable. Ask a tax preparer about your parent's final income tax return.
Veterans benefits
If your parent was a veteran receiving VA benefits, report the death to the VA. VA News says calling is the fastest way: 800-827-1000, then select 5. Reporting promptly matters, because survivors or the estate may have to repay overpayments. Ask about survivor benefits and help with burial costs; a VA burial allowance may be available to whoever paid the funeral costs, and a filing time limit may apply.
How siblings can split the work
Grief is easier to carry when the tasks are shared. Many families divide them by strength and location:
- The sibling nearby: funeral home meetings, the house, mail, and collecting papers.
- The organized one: death certificates, Social Security, Medicare plans and a running list of accounts.
- The executor: the will, banks, insurance and anything the court requires.
- Anyone far away: phone calls to funeral homes for prices, insurers, pensions, subscriptions and utilities.
Write the list down, put a name next to each task, and agree on a weekly check-in call. If your parent had a care manager or end-of-life doula, they may already use a shared client page in Pairlo, where each task on the family to-do list has an owner and Pearl, Pairlo's assistant, sends gentle email reminders to whoever took it.
Taking care of yourselves
If your parent was in hospice, the hospice team does not disappear. Medicare's hospice benefit includes grief and loss counseling for the family, so call the hospice and ask what support they offer. And give yourselves permission to go slowly. Most of the paperwork can wait until you have slept.
Your next steps
- Today: call hospice, or 911 if the death was unexpected and your parent was not in hospice. Notify close family.
- Within a day or two: choose a funeral home and ask for its General Price List. Give them your parent's Social Security number.
- This week: order certified death certificates, confirm Social Security was notified, and return any benefit paid for the month of death.
- In the coming weeks: find the will, contact the executor, banks, credit bureaus, insurers and pensions, and the VA if your parent served.
- Share the load: write down every task with an owner. If you need hands-on help, find a care manager or see how a shared family page works.
